Wish You Were Here
by Faecat
Summary: Based on the '07 movie ending. How did it feel? How did everyone deal? Spoiler if you haven't watched the movie. K, so...had to change this cause the fic is running on...now it's a Song fic extended to multiple songs. Dark, you've been warned.
1. Chapter 1: Wish You Were Here Jazz

He lay peacefully, looking up at a clear sky. Why was he here again? Hadn't he been doing something? It didn't matter, this was peace and comfort and everything he thought he wanted. There was something though. Something important he was sure of it. There was some discomfort in his chest but that wasn't it, was it? Was that what he was trying to remember? No, it was something else, definitely something else.

Maybe, he thought, maybe I should get up? Maybe I'll remember then, but it was so hard to get up. Why would he want to do that? Besides, there were his friends, they were smiling at him...weren't they? Standing over him, calling out his name: "Jazz?" Yep, that was him. He knew that. They really wanted him to join in on their game, didn't they? They just kept calling out to him. How nice was that?

_So, so you think you can tell_

_Heaven from Hell,_

_Blue skies from rain._

_Can you tell a green field_

_From a cold steel rail?_

_A smile from a veil?_

_Do you think you can tell?_

The ground was rumbling, kinda like when Ironhide blew a gasket and started shooting things. Bet that's what happened, he was probably messing around with the big guy and he got mad. Probably clocked him good and that's why his head hurt. Grouchy old man, when was he gonna learn to have fun? If he kept on gettin' so upset about everything he was gonna wear himself down to nothing long before he was done. Done? Wait, that rang a bell. What was done?

Hey, Hatchet! Well, he thought that was strange, he tried to talk but his voice just didn't seem to be working. Ratchet looked pretty pissed. Ironhide must've done a number on him this time. Maybe he should quit yanking the old guy around, it was really going to cut his life short if he didn't. Ratchet should take some time to look at the sky, Jazz thought, it was really a calming thing to see. Soft blues and white puffy clouds. How perfect was that?

_And did they get you to trade_

_Your heroes for ghosts?_

_Hot ashes for trees?_

_Hot air for a cool breeze?_

_Cold comfort for change?_

_And did you exchange_

_A walk on part in the war_

_For a lead role in a cage?_

Dang, that discomfort was really getting bad! More like a stabbing pain really. What had happened? Ironhide wouldn't have shot him, would he? Cause that's what it felt like! It burned so much! Why was everyone yelling? There was certainly a lot of noise going on around here. Must have been a party, right? Yeah, they partied hard a lot. You had to when you were in a war that you never knew when your ticket might come up. Right?

Jazz stood up, finally relieved of that horrible pain. Why did everyone look so upset? Was that...Bumblebee? What happened to his legs? And that was a Decepticon! Good on ya guys for taken him out...but when did that happen? How had he missed out on it? Where was everyone else? Well, there was Ironhide. He was shootin' his cannons as usual, and yellin' as usual...but didn't he sound a little more upset then normal? Wonder why? There was Rachet workin on someone, guess that Decepticon got someone before he went down, huh? Guy was small though. Maybe smaller then...Oh, Primus...

_How I wish, how I wish you were here._

_We're just two lost souls_

_Swimming in a fish bowl,_

_Year after year,_

_Running over the same old ground._

_What have we found?_

_The same old fears._

_Wish you were here._

He sat, looking on in a state of shock. Everyone was here. Well, everyone that had come to Earth with him. And Bumblebee who'd brought them all here. Even the humans they'd met were all right there. All standing in their victory over Megatron. Damn. He missed it. He couldn't believe he missed it. The war was finally over and he didn't get to celebrate with his comrades. How lame was that?

Optimus gave his speech. Man, they all missed him already. Don't worry guys, he thought, I'm good! How he wished he could just _say something_ to them. To pour little Bee, his little brother, his friend, his buddy. He'd miss him so much! Or to Ratchet, feeling guilty as ever when someone died. There was no saving him, didn't he realize that? He'd tried and Jazz knew that, he didn't hold anything against him. Even to old man Ironhide who, despite his gruff exterior Jazz knew he was braking inside, another comrade lost because he wasn't fast enough with his cannons. Because he hadn't gotten to the enemy in time to do anything. And what about Optimus? He had been a mentor to Jazz, a standing stone, a firm grip on reality when everything got too rough and in return Jazz gave him a bit of chaos, some much needed idiotic, goofy, fun haven, good time stress relief that the big guy needed so badly. What now? Primus couldn't you have waited one more day? Let them have their day of victory unmarred by his death? Why was there always something to ruin what was beautiful?

Beautiful like the sky. Never ending blue sky. Like the voices that called to embrace him. Like...


	2. Chapter 2: Wish You Were Here Autobots

What now? The war was over. There was nothing left to fight for really, maybe a straggler or two but as a whole? He was done. Ironhide was a warrior, not a peace keeper and now that it was all over...Primus, it should have been him. Why hadn't he been the one taken out at the very end? That would have been proper. Not Jazz. Not the one who knew how to enjoy life, who despite his expertise on the battle field, knew how to just lay back and be a part of the world, a part of his friends.

Another wave of that sickening emptiness washed over him and Ironhide clinched his fists in anger. Why hadn't he been there? Why had Jazz gone after Megatron alone? Why...why? It always came down to why but there was never any answer. Thats what war was about, unanswered questions. Unfair ends, results that didn't match the cause. Sure, they'd won. They'd lost so many along the way and just one more shouldn't be that big a deal right?

But it was Jazz! Life loving Jazz! It wasn't fair. It was wrong and an atrocity. Ironhide considered his cannons not for the first time, and likely not the last. He shouldn't be here, Jazz should.

_Wish you were here_

_Me oh my country man _

_Wish you were here._

_I wish you were here_

_Don't you know the snow is getting colder_

_And I miss you like hell _

_And I'm feeling blue?_

Things were quiet. It was only a matter of time before the others would start arriving and Ratchet knew he'd be plenty busy then. He'd heard rumor that one of the twins were on their way. Vaguely he wondered how the two had become separated, but that was a distant thought. He carefully set yet another tool, cleaned and polished, back into its proper place. A lot of good they had done him, huh? What good were all the tools in the universe if he couldn't save one life? One joy filled, fun loving, had everything to live for life? Slag, death was an odd creature.

Ratchet hefted yet another tool, this one still covered in the grime of war. Vile, filthy, viscous, senseless war. He hadn't become a medic so he could put bots back together that had been blown apart only to have them blown apart again. He hadn't had the desire to see _younglings_ die on his table. He hadn't wanted to see what a missile launcher could do to a bots chassis and he sure as the pit hadn't wanted to see a bot torn in two. Primis! Completely in two! And if that weren't enough the poor glitch hadn't had the decency to die right away!

That's how Jazz was. He hung on until the bitter, bitter end. Ratchet had tired so hard to save that life loving spark. It had held on for so long, so many painful kliks and he'd failed to save him. Failed, again.

_Wish you were here_

_Me oh my country man_

_Wish you were here_

_I wish you were here_

_Don't you know the snow is getting colder _

_And I miss you like hell_

_And I'm feeling blue_

The sun slowly rose over this new worlds horizon in a slow overture of beauty both of music and of sight. It was an art of life...life that could so easily be taken away. Life that _had_ so easily been taken away. Optimus did not fool himself to think that this war had not been a horrid pit of death, not even for a second. He had witnessed more death then he thought any other bot ever had, ever should or, he hoped, ever would again. He'd seen everything from defenseless femmes and sparklings destroyed without regret on behalf of those that had wrought death upon them, to the destruction of their entire planet. He had seen the worst of it and it never got any easier.

Somehow, he had been hopeful when he'd seen Megatron finally captured within his own peaceful death. Yes, that was his brother and yes, it hurt like the pit do see him destroyed but given the options of their race or his brother, he had to choose what was right for everyone. When he'd been brought the broken body of Jazz...well, that had been a horrible moment indeed. Their victory forever tarnished. Not that it was a beautiful victory at all, no, there was too much death in all this that it wasn't really a victory at all, simply a conclusion.

Jazz had been so special. Maybe it was because he had worked so closely to the sprightly little bot.

Or maybe it was because Jazz had been one of the few bots to make an effort to help alleviate some of the stress of being a leader on what appeared to be the losing end of a war. Maybe, even, it was the way everyone else loved the bot. How could you not? He was so full of life, so full of joy and everything that they all hoped to regain once the war was over. So in one fell swoop Megatron had doused their glimmering hope by taking away the lively little bot.

_I've got feelings for you_

_Do you still feel the same?_

_From the first time I laid my eyes on you_

_I felt the joy of livin'_

_I saw heaven in your eyes, in your eyes_

Jazz had meant so much to Optimus. He was like...well, like the sparkling he'd never had the opportunity to conceive. He was a lot of his joy in life, his grip on what was worth fighting for. Now? He simply had to grab onto that idea, that way of life that Jazz had about him, that joyous sparkle in his eyes...he would just have to remember and hope that Jazz was where he belonged, among friends, laughing and happy. Primus just let him be happy.

_Wish you were here_

_Me oh my country man_

_Wish you were here_

_I wish you were here_

_Don't you know the snow is getting colder _

_And I miss you like hell_

_And I'm feeling blue_

He knew he was taking it too hard. He knew he shouldn't be hiding away from everyone to drown in his sorrow. He knew that Jazz would be disappointed in him and that made it so much worse! Bumblebee had known the cunning little bot all his life, or at least as much of it as he could remember. Jazz had never once turned Bumblebee away when he was a sparkling and had even encouraged him on his little 'ventures' as a youngling. The bot had been the most supportive of all of the bots in everything Bumblebee had done and they shared life to all its grandiose heights and to all its harshest depths. Well, most of its harshest depths. Jazz had left Bee alone to suffer through the worst of those depths and Bumblebee was sure that he could not climb out of this one. Not alone, not without Jazz.

He needed the small bot to stand beside him, to point out the good in it all, to say that everything was okay, that it would all _be_ okay. But he was gone! Forever gone, not just gone away. How was he supposed to deal with that? They would never sit and watch stupid movies again, never go explore the planet just to see what they found regardless of their 'limit'. He'd never get to talk to him again, never get to learn from him again. Worst thing of all, he'd never get to just sit and be with him, relaxed and safe in his company.

_I miss your laugh_

_I miss your smile_

_I miss everything about you_

_Every seconds like a minute_

_Every minutes like a day_

_When you're far away_

Primus he felt like he was dying too. His spark hurt so much he hoped that maybe it might just explode and be done with it. The seasons had shifted from the warmth of summer to the chill of winter and Bumblebee found the cold good company for his mood. He let the snow pile up on him, let it hide him away. He almost hoped that the chill would wreck his systems and off line him, even if it was just for a while. He hated this pain, the pain of living where others have died. It wasn't fair. Would never _be_ fair.

_The snow is getting colder baby_

_And I wish you were here_

The war had already been in full swing by the time he was created so he had known nothing else but even so, he didn't have to take the loss of his best friend, his brother, his protector gracefully. He wouldn't. To the pit with everyone that told him the pain would get easier with time. What did they know? They didn't know him, they didn't know how he had loved Jazz, they couldn't know!

_A battle field of love and fear_

_And I wish you were here_

Please, please Jazz, Bumblebee thought, please just find a way to come back! I need you brother, I need you more then I need anything else! I can't live without you! He knew that Jazz would be clicking at him, looking at him with hurt and shame. Bumblebee was stronger than this in Jazz's eyes, but he didn't feel strong. He didn't want to be strong. He wanted to let himself rust and fade into nothingness just so that he could join his brother wherever he had gone. Why had Primus taken him from him? Why did Primus take everything? Bumblebee never got to know his creators because they were gone once he was created, or so he had been told. The Autobots were his family and Jazz was an important part of that.

_I've got feelings for you_

_From the first time I laid my eyes on you_

_I wish you were here_

_Me oh my country man_

_Wish you were here_

_I wish you were here_

_Don't you know the snow is getting colder _

_And I miss you like hell _

_And I'm feeling blue_

They all stood together, mourning their lost friend, brother, comrade, son. Each having their own thoughts, each worrying for the others. War was hard on everyone. It was supposed to be like that but that didn't mean that it was easy to take.

_Wish you were here_

_I wish you were here_

_Ohh_

Optimus knew they would survive. They would all pull through and move on with life no matter how down and out any one of them seemed. Even if Bumblebee was lost in self pity right now or Ratchet stuck in the world of negatives or Ironhide becoming a pushy glitch toward the youngest in their group. They had each other and that's what mattered.

_Wish you were here_

_Ohh_

Ratchet sighed. He could look forward to plenty of patients over the next several orns and he knew it. Bumblebee's lack of self care was a screaming testament, but the bot did seem to be picking up a bit. They all hoped that he would come out of it soon and realize that they were all still there for him, even if Jazz was gone.

_Wish you were here_

_I wish you were here_

_Ohh_

Ironhide leaned on the smaller bot, pressing him to retaliate. He knew Bumblebee was holding a lot in and he didn't want him to. He wanted the small bot to yell, to scream, to shoot if he had to and when he was done, he wanted him to know that he was there to help him pick up and move on. They were all there together, forever. Even if some were only in spirit.


	3. Chapter 3 Never Alone Bumblebee

_So...as long as there are songs to spur me on there will be further chapters in this I guess. I tried to just end it with the previous two thinking that was plenty. Well, then I was assaulted by music muses and here we are with chapter 3 and 4 on its way._

_This song is Barlow Girl – Never Alone; good song._

_This fic travels, sorry. It starts months after the last chapter and moves from the first movie to the second movie. There are spoilers so if you have yet to see TF ROTF or even the first TF then you have been warned._

_I don't own anything aside from some randomness I'll never be famous for. Dang the bad luck._

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Bumblebee sat in contemplation. The last several earth months had been anything but calm and relaxing as it should have been with the prospects of the war ended. There had been confusion, chaos and unending chores to do.

Ironhide had practically dedicated himself to hunting down every last Decepticon that dared place a circuit on the planet and was constantly away.

Optimus was busy with human relations. The humans were very picky, they discovered, and wanted everything outlined in every 'what if' kind of way they could wrap their incredibly creative minds around and so had sufficiently occupied every moment of the brave leader's time.

Ratchet was working on _something_ that he refused to disclose to anyone and ended up locking himself away in their new base's med bay for megacycles at a time.

Others were on their way, but had yet to arrive so all in all Bumblebee was alone. Well, he had Sam and Mikaela and they were good friends to him but they had school, families, friends and each other to deal with. Which is what led him to be here at this time, alone looking over the vast open fields of the Californian terrain. He missed Jazz.

_I waited for You today  
But You didn't show  
No no no  
I needed You today  
So where did You go?  
You told me to call  
Said You'd be there  
And though I haven't seen You  
Are You still there?_

He could still feel the link he had once shared with Jazz sitting dead in his memory banks. It was, as Sam had compared it to, like having a telephone number that was no longer in service. Bumblebee had a hard time explaining that the links were a little more personal then that, but the comparison would suffice for the humans. They were sentimental enough that perhaps they would feel the same pang of loss if they were to see that number knowing that they would never again speak to that person...but at least for them they could make the number go away.

Bumblebee could remember when he had heard Jazz's call over that link earlier that earth year when he had said he was coming to earth with the others. There was no need for Jazz to contact Bumblebee other then pure friendship, a true desire to just speak to his young comrade that he could not wait until they arrived to speak with him. It had been a great joy for them both to know that they would be reunited once again. If only they had known it would have been for such a short time!

Despite the fact that the line was dead Bumblebee could not stop the call that tried to go out to his lost friend over their severed link and he could not stop the pain he felt when there was nothing.

_I cried out with no reply  
And I can't feel You by my side  
So I'll hold tight to what I know  
You're here and I"m never alone_

"Hey Bee!" The familiar voice called out. Bumblebee could feel his spark flutter with joy. Something about the little spy always made him feel so happy. He was as much a brother to him as could be outside of physical connection. Jazz had taken the the little yellow bot under his wing from day one and they had been practically inseparable. "What say we go look around?"

Oh for the old days, Bumblebee lamented. Jazz loved it every time they touched down planetside, no mater what planet it was. He always found _something_ to enjoy everywhere and it had really started to rub off on the younger bot. They enjoyed life together and Jazz seemed to throughly enjoy Bumblebee's enthusiasm unlike so many other older bots that just grew annoyed and weary with the endless energy of the eager little bot.

"Never let them get ya' down, Bee." Jazz had instructed, "They're just so caught up in all the bad stuff they can't see the silver from the steel. Ya gotta' take a moment and just look around."

So Bumblebee did. Not so long ago he was ready to just let himself rust away, begging the matrix to join him with his lost comrades but that nagging voice in his head, Jazz's voice, kept pestering him to go on. He knew that Jazz would be far more hurt by the fact that his death had done such great damage to his brother then the fact that he had died so brutally. Bumblebee laughed morbidly to himself, he would actually probably say that his death was pretty neat...Jazz was a weird one.

_And though I cannot see You  
And I can't explain why  
Such a deep, deep reassurance  
You've placed in my life_

It still hurt, Bumblebee was not going to fool himself that the pain would go away, but it was a little easier to handle now. Yes he longed for his friend, his brother but nothing could be done about that and as long as he remembered Jazz for the bot he was then he was still there with him in one form. He could continue in his foot steps and just enjoy life. He had done well at that so far, aside from his momentary brake down that is.

Sometimes, even though he knew better, Bumblebee swore he felt the other mech's hand on his shoulder. Sometimes he heard his voice as if in the distance, calling to him, reassuring him that even though this was a tough spot to be in he would pull through and things would get better. After all, the war was over, right? Their other friends could join them now and they could all relax and try to get back to normal life again, right?

Jazz was forever a part of him and he would not deny that anymore. He could accept that he was no longer with him physically...another pang of grief hit him...well, maybe someday he could accept that he was no longer with him physically. Now the only thing to do was to move on. One megacycle at a time.

_We cannot separate  
You're part of me  
And though You're invisible  
I'll trust the unseen_

Sam's garage wasn't large, it wasn't even really all that nice, but Bumblebee had come to enjoy the place. It was quiet and he often found himself lost in deep thoughts if not in recharge. This was one of those times where he was caught somewhere between recharge and drifting thoughts and so was caught completely off guard when he heard a transmission via one of his links he thought long dead.

Repeat? He called back. Who had it been? He searched his logs to find who had called him on what link that had laid dormant for so long. Nothing. There was no reply to his call either and he began to think that he had simply imagined it. He was dreaming and hadn't realized it. A horrid wave of sorrow struck him as he realized he had called back on Jazz's link. He was still hearing the bot call out for him! It had been years...

_I cried out with no reply  
And I can't feel You by my side  
So I'll hold tight to what I know  
You're here and I"m never alone_

Hey Bee... For half a second Bumblebee thought it was Jazz, but he knew better. Once rationality sunk in he knew it was Sideswipe. The two had become pretty close since his arrival on earth. The other bot was as close to Bumblebee's age as they got and the stress of his missing twin had driven him to seek out companionship with _somebody_. Bumblebee's own distraught condition over Jazz's death had drawn the miserable twin to him. Did you call me? He sounded confused and Bumblebee had to check just to make sure that when he had reflexively called out he had indeed used the dead link with Jazz and not the other mech's.

No. His circuits all cleared his previous conclusions, he had not called out to anyone. At least, no one that could hear him anymore. Why?

I, uh... The other hesitated for a long moment. It's gonna sound weird but I swore I heard you say 'repeat'...but it was on Jazz's old link... Bumblebee couldn't say anything, his entire process was frozen. I'm gonna check in with the Hatchet, I must've screwed something up on our last mission. Catch ya later.

Later... Bumblebee didn't realize he had replied until he heard the link disconnect. He had used Jazz's signal and reached Sideswipe?

_We cannot separate  
You're part of me  
And though You're invisible  
I'll trust the unseen_

Things had exploded in every way of _wrong_ Bumblebee could think of at that moment. Megatron had been resurrected and was hunting down Sam _again_. The Allspark shard they had thought so throughly contained by the humans had been _stolen_. And the worst of it all, the most horrible thing that he could hardly even bring his processor around to think of was that Optimus was gone. _GONE!! _He was running for his life, for Sam, Michaela and Leo's _lives_. He needed help, support. He needed someone who would give him encouragement, to give him reason to move on. If Optimus was gone...what were they fighting for?

Please, he thought as he searched for someone, please help!

Silver for the steel, Bee, silver for the steel. The reply had been faint, a mere whisper amongst the chaos.

Jazz? He cried out, hope and fear both warring inside him. He wanted that to be his missing brother but knew it could not be. He had to have a severe glitch in his processor...Please...

_I cried out with no reply  
And I can't feel You by my side  
So I'll hold tight to what I know  
You're here and I"m never alone_


	4. Chapter 4 Never Too Late Ironhide

_So, as previously mentioned here is chapter 4._

_I don't know why Ironhide is so pessimistic. I really don't. This is just how it ended up. Hope it's okay with the rest of you._

_Song Three Days Grace – Never too late_

_I own none of this...well, okay, I own my ideas, but you know how far that gets me._

**********************************************************************

Ironhide had spent a long time looking over those that remained of his comrades. Several had started arriving and he was thrilled to see them, honestly, but he just couldn't let go. So many had died. So many that not a one of their race could say they hadn't lost hundreds of friends. _Hundreds_! How were they supposed to live with that?

He wondered what this world would offer them as a race. The peace had held up this far but how long would that last? He saw how humans were, they were destructive. Despite their efforts to promote peace they really were a species of warmongers and while he could appreciate that himself he didn't see it going well for his race in the end. Yes, they could just dispatch of the humans with little effort but that wasn't their way, or at least not Optimus's way. The Prime was a noble mech but Ironhide feared he might be a little too blind when it came to the humans. He really hoped he was wrong. Really he did.

_This world will never be, what I expected.  
And if I don't belong who would have guessed it?  
I will not leave alone everything that I own  
to make you feel like it's not too late.  
It's never too late._

He wondered about Bumblebee. The young bot had gone from complete self neglect to something of his former self over a very short period of time. He had never once told Bumblebee everything would be okay, he knew better then that. He had tried to support the bot in expressing his anger and helping him guide it in the correct directions but he doubted that was the cause of the bot's turnabout. What had happened?

Ironhide himself was still torn about Jazz. He had been so close but not close enough to save him. He had failed. That was how he saw it and it didn't matter that no one else did. He was the trigger happy weapons pro so he should have done better, right? If he hadn't hesitated, if he hadn't tried to guide the humans...maybe he could have?

Whatever. In the end it didn't matter did it? He was doing what he most desired to do and that was destroying Decepticons. He would go until he was done or he was taken out and that was all there was to be said about that.

_Even if I say "It will be all right,"  
still I hear you say you want to end your life...  
Now and again we try to just stay alive.  
Maybe we'll turn it around,  
'cause it's not too late.  
It's never too late._

A thought drifted through his processor, a hint of a thought really, of someone he held dear and he wondered not for the first time if she was still okay. He hoped every day that she would send message but at the same time he hoped she didn't. He desperately wanted her to be alright, to be safe and even in this dawning of the end of their war he just knew that this was not the end of it. Ironhide knew in his spark of sparks that this was just a lull in the battle, that the war was not over. It would never be over, would it?

He mourned for his comrades who took hope in the idea that the war was over. Especially Bumblebee. The poor mech had been through so much, hadn't really been allowed a time to know what it was like without war and he wanted so much for him to have this peace. Knowing that someone so young had lost so much in so short a time (for Cybertornians anyway) just twisted inside him like a loose gear tearing at his sensitive wires. That's really why he fought so hard to rid the earth of the remaining Decepticons. It was for _her, _for _Bumblebee_, for the others who took hope.

Hope was not for him to have. He was too practical for that.

_No one will ever see this side reflected. _

_And if there's something wrong, who would have guessed it...?  
And I have left alone everything that I own.  
To make you feel like it's not too late.  
It's never too late._

The day Ironhide knew would come finally came and he hated it. He had never wanted to be wrong so badly in his life.

Megatron had been resurrected with the small bit of Allspark that they had secreted away in one of the humans military bases. He had known they shouldn't have done that, he had even told Optimus to not relinquish the fragment but the ever trusting leader of the Autobots had said they needed to have faith in their human allies...faith. What of your faith now? Ironhide wondered.

He relished in the sounds of the Decepticons that he was dispatching now. They had done the worst thing he could imagine, that he had never imagined actually. They had killed Optimus Prime, the last Prime, their last hope. He was dead and there was nothing they could do about it now. He heard Bumblebee's pleas for someone to give him hope...he heard them, he ignored them. What was the point? There was no hope.

_Even if I say "It will be all right,"  
still I hear you say you want to end your life.  
Now and again we try to just stay alive.  
Maybe we'll turn it around,  
'cause it's not too late.  
It's never too late..._

He looked on as their exalted leader was dropped from the helicopter that had hauled his lifeless body back to their base. Ironhide hated them. He hated them all.

Cybertron was gone. There was no bringing it back. Most of them had spent a greater part, if not all of their lives fighting for this war that they, obviously, would not win. What had it all been for?

For the chance to be as they were, he reminded himself. He had joined in the war gladly because he had had something to fight for. He had a home he loved, a mate he adored and he wanted more. He wanted a family but not one that would be torn by the stupidity of war. That had been so long ago! Such a long off thought he had actually forgotten that he had any of those things. He had had motives once. Now what did he have?

_The world we knew won't come back.  
The time we've lost can't get back.  
The life we had won't be ours again._

Earth. That's what he had. It wasn't Cybertron but he had begrudgingly come to think of it as home and now...now it was on the verge of being lost to him too.

_This world will never be what I expected.  
And if I don't belong._

Battle was what he knew. He could do battle and if it was for the oh so very slim chance that Optimus could be resurrected as well, then it was the only thing he wanted. He could fight, he could even die for all he cared as long as hope could be restored to those he cared about. Ironhide did not deny that he doubted that any of this was likely, that Optimus would be brought back, that they would defeat the Fallen and Decepticons, that they would even survive this battle but he would do it for them. If nothing else he could go to the matrix knowing he did his best to help the others.

When Sam fell he knew it was over. Without the child that held so much hope for them there was even less of nothing for them. When Bumblebee fell beside him Ironhide knew the young bot would end up dead as well. Without the boy he had no further desire to continue. Sam had been what Bumblebee had latched onto for his waning hopes and now...

_Even if I say "It will be all right,"  
Still I hear you say you want to end your life.  
Now and again we try to just stay alive.  
Maybe we'll turn it around  
'cause it's not too late.  
It's never too late._

Sam rose. How? He was only momentarily stunned but that moment had been all it had taken for the Decepticons to over take him. He didn't see what transpired after that but he _heard_. Optimus's unmistakable voice thrummed through the air like life giving energy to his desperate soldiers. Their leader was _back!_

That was all Ironhide had needed. Hope was restored to his comrades. He needed nothing more at that moment.

_Maybe we'll turn it all around  
'cause it's not too late.  
It's never too late.(It's never too late!)  
It's not too late.  
It's never too late._


	5. Chapter 5 I am Where it Takes Me Optimus

_Reloaded this chapter, forgot to add in that this is Black Light Burns : I am Where it Takes Me_

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I am Optimus Prime. Prime. The last in existence. One of the last of my entire race. The one charged with leading a waining army into a victory over my own brother who is bent on destroying everything he views as weak. He views a lot of things as weakness. Too much.

I am Optimus Prime. Leader of my peoples in the last hopes of trying to bring life back to our species. Expected to protect, to defend and to be compassionate toward all sentient beings. Burdened with the power of all, with the lost knowledge of our history. I must see it all and consider it all before I choose my next moves. Every move is representative of that which we will become, determining if we will survive or fade out to nothingness.

I am Optimus Prime.

_It's all I see, It's all I see._

Never once had he asked for the title. Never had he wanted it. When it was bestowed upon him he knew he was not qualified for such a task, yet others accepted it, even demanded it of him. They said he was Prime, _the _Prime and he had to lead his peoples. Had to. He was never given the option.

War was not something he had ever dreamed of. He was not a warrior like Ironhide, nor was he a strategist like Prowl, or even canny in the ways of a spy like Jazz or Bumblebee. He was a scientist. An explorer. A lover of life and all it's infinite little intricacies. Now everywhere he went lives were destroyed. He was a harbinger of death, following his brother in his destruction and desperately trying to defend, repair and protect those in his path and all to often he failed.

When they had arrived on Earth he had looked on in amazement at the little beings that lived there. They were fearful, yet some would still stand against the bots that could easily crush them on accident. These were fleshings, organics that could not be repaired if they were accidentally rolled over during one of their fistfights. They had _passion_, even if he felt some of them misdirected their talents.

He was here. They were in danger. Again, he had to try and save a species from his brother's wrath. Again he was expected to find a way, to take up arms and to fight, to destroy.

_Please take it away._

_It's holding me, it's holding me._

_Please take it away_

_It's more than me, it's more than me._

_Please take it away._

_It's killing me, it's killing me_

_Please take it away_

Death. Everywhere he went there was always death. He lost friends, he lost family and comrades. He had to stand strong and show the others that even in the face of grief they would pull through, that they could continue and rise above. Even if he couldn't.

He had seen too many innocents brutally destroyed to be able to just move on. Optimus had witnessed the devastation of every planet his brother touched, had seen the death and those who were left to suffer until they could join their brethren in eternal peace. He had had to be the one to say he was sorry, to try and give them _some_ hope, to take all their anger onto himself and allow them their retributions. He could have it no other way and the wounds that it caused were deeper than any weapon could ever reach and they were eternal.

Megatron fell into death and Optimus mourned. He was relieved that the war was over but he had always hoped that he could reach his brother somehow before it came to this. He loved his brother and one time friend dearly and never wanted to see him ended. It was just another blow to his already scarred soul. His family was ended, he was now the last of that too.

_I run, it follows_

_I speak, it swallows_

_I am where it takes me_

_I love, it breaks me_

Optimus called out to his people among the stars, more for himself then for them but he could not let anyone know that. He needed to know that there were others still out there, that they were not the last. And with every new arrival came joy and great sorrow. Every bot that appeared brought news of so many more that would never come, that they would never see again.

They worked hand in hand with the humans, wonderful creatures despite how easily they could be dispatched. They were brave and strong. They had love and great passion and they were resourceful beyond anything Optimus could have imagined! He had handed over the allspark shard willingly to these creatures in hopes that perhaps they could discover some of its secrets and help them bring their race, maybe even their planet back to life. It was selfish, he knew. He shouldn't be depending on these beings that his own brother had nearly destroyed, but wasn't it alright, just once in a while, for him to let someone else take control?

Apparently not. The allspark shard was stolen, the humans were rejecting them and Megatron had been revived. It was all on him again. He had to respect the humans wishes, they had been gracious hosts after all and he could not blame them for feeling that the presence of the Autobots was the cause of the straggling Decepticon attacks but that didn't mean that he couldn't feel hurt by their choices. He just had to not show it. He had to let it live inside him and show the others that no matter what happened they would survive, they would move on but he had to make the humans aware that if they chose to exile the Autobots, their enemy brethren may not follow.

_It's under me, it's under me._

_Please take it away._

_It's watching me, it's watching me._

_Please take it away._

_It's touching me, it's touching me._

_Please take it away._

_It's just like me, it's just like me._

_Please take it away._

When he was once again confronted with his brother all his frustrations and anger rose to the surface. He was trying to destroy the one human that had given everything to help them and had asked for _nothing_ in return. A child. A _child_!

He fought viciously against his brother and his followers, but Optimus knew that he would not succeed. This was his time. He only had to stand long enough for the boy to retreat. He called to Bumblebee to move quickly, to retrieve the child and retreat.

Sam looked at him, he had seen the fear in the human child's eyes. He had seen the desperation and he had seen the sorrow. Optimus dwelled on that image as his optics failed. It took his systems some time to actually stop, long enough that he heard Ironhide's enraged battle cries, he heard Bumblebee's desperate cries for someone to say it was going to be alright, his pleas. The only thing he could think of was how his death meant failure and how those he cared most about would have to suffer. He wished them luck with his last thoughts and hoped that they could do what he could not. He hoped with every last ounce of his dying spark, just let them be okay.

_I run, it follows_

_I speak, it swallows_

_I am where it takes me_

_I love, it breaks me._

I am Optimus Prime. Prime. The last in existence. I have been given another chance to rectify that which I have failed to do, to end this war. I have been given so much more then I ever thought possible. The life of a new comrade, a fellow Cybertronian, who sacrificed his own restored life to allow me the advantage.

I am Optimus Prime. Leader of my peoples, returned to my peoples to give them hope once more. Returned to them by the humans I had so hoped would be able to help us in our time of peace to return life to our planet. They have gone beyond what I could have ever suspected yet not what I hoped for. I cannot allow them to be destroyed. They are worthy of their rite to live, beyond the mere notion that they are sentient but they are also full of hope, of _life_. They could become something great and they must be allowed to choose their path. I only hope that they choose better then we have. If we are to pass into eternity, at the very least we can pass knowing we have protected our successors.

I am Optimus Prime.

_I run, it follows (it follows)_

_I speak, it swallows (it swallows)_

_I am where it takes me_

_I love (I love), it breaks me._


	6. Chapter 6 Walls of Grace Ratchet

And now, I give you yet another!

This one is Shiny Toy Guns - Walls of Grace *listen to the song...it is awesome.*

Okay, this one is short and hardly does anything at all other then pry into the business of a mech who's locked himself away trying to do what he dosen't think can be done...enjoy!!!

* * *

To preserve life. That was his oath. He lived by that oath and always did everything in his power to protect it, to uphold it.

In war lives were lost and that was truth. There was nothing he could do to stop that no matter how hard he tried or how many nights without rest he pushed through just to lose his patients anyway. He had never come to terms with that. Honestly he hoped he never would. If he accepted that lives had to be ended like this...then what was left?

_Loneliness_

_Is more then we'll ever feel_

_Blind as you are_

_Watching everything_

_When we die_

_Faith is lost..._

_Once again_

_Taking hold of all we are_

Ratchet looked at the lifeless form before him. He had worked on the structure for well over one Earth year and had little to show for it other then the completion of repairs. There was still no life.

He had taken advantage of the humans work with the Allspark, studied closely their success with bringing 'things' to life and thought he saw how it could be used to resurrect their lost comrades. Although the fragment they had left was far less powerful then the whole, the Allspark still had life giving powers and he had managed to harvest some of its potential. He had brought movement to the form on two separate occasions but much to his disappointment movement did not mean life and life was what he had been striving for.

_Who says we die_

_Before we live_

_I promise you _

_Walls of grace_

_...to carry on_

_When we're lost_

_...we'll find a way_

If only he could figure it out! There had to be _something_ he was missing. Ratchet looked over the once more still frame. The body had the ability to live...it just needed the spark returned. How did you return a spark?

"I'm a fool." He groaned to himself. It couldn't be done. He knew that, all of his medical programing showed him exactly how it couldn't be accomplished in absolutely every variety of unaccomplishable state that it could generate. Yet he could not push aside the notion that he _could_, if only he could figure out the puzzle. It was there for him to solve, he just had to _solve_ it.

_Loneliness_

_Or should we say something more?_

_Oceans arise_

_Washing over me_

_Cold company _

_Dark shades of harmony_

_Chasing the lies no one believes..._

The Allspark shard had been lost to them and now Ratchet was faced with the loss of yet another comrade, a friend...their leader. Everyone was looking to him for answers, to decide what to do now, to figure out how to _fix _this. You can't fix deactivation. He'd tried, Primus knows he'd _tired_!!

'To the Pit with everything!' He thought angrily. The humans wanted them gone...but Optimus wouldn't have wanted that. He would have wanted them to stay, to protect the humans even at the cost of their lives, their planet, their _species_. Ratchet could not abandon the humans. Could not. Would not.

Now there were two bodies. Two deactivated friends and no Allspark left for him to even hope to bring them back. They were gone, forever. Pit.

_Who says we die_

_Before we live_

_I promise you _

_Walls of grace_

_...to carry on_

_When we're lost_

_...we'll find a way_

Samuel James Witwicky was something to be admired. Even having watched Optimus's defeat the boy still had hope. He sent a rather cryptic message through that man Simmons from the old Sector Seven that led them to believe that there was a way to do what Ratchet had failed to do. They would bring back Optimus. They would resurrect their dead leader to face the already resurrected Megatron. If one could be brought back then so could others!

_Walls of grace_

_...to carry on_

_When we're lost_

_...we'll find a way_


	7. Chapter 7 Lullaby Prowl

_**Please read this first!!!!**_

This is a great big downer (not that my previous song fics have not been, but...) Two things to mention: 1: This is not intended as a paring fic. 2: NOT a deathfic. Okay? I know it's going to seem like it, but trust me...okay? *hides away for giving up some of the story before anyone has read it*

Song is: Room of Angels - Lullaby (creepy good song)

* * *

He had felt it immediately and had known without doubt what it had meant. The pain was intense and relentless and he was left to suffer it silently. What could he say? The others knew too, they wouldn't have missed that far too familiar feeling of separation as yet another comrade was taken from them. There were whispers, but nothing was ever said.

The transmission that reached them, giving them coordinates to reunite with their leader was only a partial relief to him. He would be glad to be back under Optimus's command, no longer the one in charge of everything, at least for a while.

They arrived at the beacon and were greeted not only by their fellow Autobots that had arrived before them but by several of the native life forms as well. These 'humans' were small, biological creatures that appeared at first look to be ridiculously frail, yet if he was to believe the reports they had fought alongside the Autobots and had done more then their fair share of damage to the Decepticons. Somehow he felt that greatly unlikely, but he was not about to argue. Truly he only had one desire at this time and that was to see _him_. He had to see with his own optics, it didn't matter what the severed link said, nor the reports that confirmed Jazz's demise, he had to see before he was going to believe it.

_You lie, silent there before me._

_Your tears, they mean nothing to me,_

It was true. He looked down at the still form stoically. Jazz was deactivated. Permanently. Ratchet had repaired his body, feeling it was the least he could have done for the brave warrior before he was put to rest. He couldn't help but notice that there were tale tell marks indicating that the medic had tried to resurrect the mech several times...obviously failed but the fact that he had _tried_ spoke volumes.

_The wind howling at the window, _

_The love you never gave,_

_I give to you,_

_Really don't deserve it,_

_But now, there's nothing you can do._

The others avoided him, sparing him wan looks of remorse but never saying anything. It was annoying. He had work to do. So what if he had not recharged in several megacycles. It was not the first time and their long separation from the main team meant there was a lot of reports to fill out and file, not to mention trying to obtain accounts of battles from the others. His job was relentless and without forgiveness...just the way he liked it.

_So sleep, in your only memory_

_Of me, my dearest mother..._

"Prowl, we need to talk." Optimus's voice rumbled, though softly as the large mech entered Prowl's recently claimed office.

He did not even look up at his commanding officer as he continued to scan the data pad before him. "Yes, Sir?" He questioned.

"You are in danger of deactivation." Optimus knew that with Prowl it was best to get to the point right away. No amount of tender-footing would make this conversation any easier or less awkward.

The other mech simply glanced up at Optimus at his startling statement, but did not seem surprised. "My systems show no such danger."

"That is because you have shut down your self diagnostic systems. Ignoring the problem will not make it go away." The larger mech approached the still seemingly unconcerned tactical officer before him. "I will not allow you to simply neglect yourself into deactivation Prowl." He raised an odd device that, had Prowl been looking would have instantly recognized as one of Ratchet's tools, yet all the smaller mech saw...was darkness.

_Here's a lullaby to close your eyes._

_[Goodbye]_

_It was always you that I despised._

_I don't feel enough for you to cry, _

_[oh no]_

_Here's a lullaby to close your eyes,_

_[Goodbye],[Goodbye],[Goodbye],[Goodbye]._

The medical facilities were of adequate quality. Prowl almost thought that it was strange that _that_ was the first thing he thought as he came online again. He didn't try to rise, he knew Ratchet was not far and would not allow him to move anyway, so instead he used this time to search his own systems to see if Optimus's claim had been true. Was he in danger of deactivation?

_So insignificant, _

_Sleeping dormant deep inside of me,_

_Are you hiding away, lost, under the sewers,_

_Maybe flying high, in the clouds?_

"Your such an aft, Prowl. Stop and think for two nanoclicks would you?" The voice haunted him. It was a memory and he knew it but he could not stop it from running, almost as if he had no control over it. "You spend way too much time locked up in here and you wonder why everyone thinks you're full of yourself?"

"What does..."

"And then, when you do emerge it's only to demand reports." Still the voice lectured. "Prowl, you can't hide from deactivation. We're in _war_! It's _going_ to happen. And it's going to be bots you know. Bots we _all_ know. It sucks! But hiding away is not going to save you from it." Jazz had been mad at him that orn. They had lost several of their fellow comrades in a rather vicious battle a few orns past and he had turned to his work. He wasn't hiding. He was working, doing what had to be done...wasn't he?

_Perhaps you're happy without me..._

_So many seeds have been sown in the field,_

_And who could sprout up so blessedly,_

_If I had died I would have never felt sad at all,_

_You will not hear me say 'I'm sorry'_

_Where is the light, wonder if it's weeping somewhere?_

'You never said it would be _you_. You never said _you_ would be the one I would have to face the deactivation of.' Prowl ignored the concerned optics that were focused on him. The mech hovering over him was saying something but it wasn't important. 'I'm an aft? Pit, _your_ the aft! You left _me!_ How could you leave me?'

A shock to his system forced him to confront the mech before him. "Ratchet..."

"Pit, Prowl." The mech sighed, "How do you feel? Talk to me."

"I am functional."

"Functional? I'll be the one to determine that. How do you _feel_?"

Prowl growled silently to himself. What did he want from him? To say that he felt like his spark had been ripped from his very core? That he felt cold, abandoned and angry? "My systems are at an acceptable percentage of functionality." He sat up, "I am ready to return to duty."

"My aft you are." Ratchet glared, an evil, plotting glare that should have been a clear warning to Prowl but he didn't pay attention. He was ready to go on with his job and ignore everything that was unpleasant around him.

"Prowl. I know you're hurting. Jazz was a good friend..."

"Enough!" He lunged for the medic, his anger finally reaching the breaking point and needing an outlet.

_Here's a lullaby to close your eyes._

_[Goodbye]_

Ratchet did not try to evade the mech attacking him. He knew this needed to be done. Prowl had to let it out somehow and if this was his chosen method then Ratchet would submit. After all, he had been the one to fail to save Jazz in the first place.

_It was always you that I despised._

Prowl was angry. He was angrier then he could even imagine he had ever been. Jazz had been a pest, an annoyance and a bother...he had been his best friend and now he was gone. GONE! And there was nothing anyone could to to change that.

_I don't feel enough for you to cry, _

_[oh no]_

His rage continued and he lost sight of his target. He was blind with emotions he didn't even know he possessed.

_Here's a lullaby to close your eyes,_

_[Goodbye],_

Ironhide had been the first to respond. Why hadn't Ratchet sent out an emergency call? The doors had been locked from the inside and he had heard yelling and the sounds of a fight inside. He shouted for Ratchet, he'd sent a transmission directly to the medical officer and only received static in return. He quickly sent out an emergency signal just before he blew a hole in the med bay doors. Once beyond the blockade, his spark sank into his knees.

_Here's a lullaby to close your eyes._

_[Goodbye]_

_It was always you that I despised._

_I don't feel enough for you to cry, _

_[oh no]_

_Here's a lullaby to close your eyes,_

_[Goodbye],[Goodbye],[Goodbye],[Goodbye]._

Ratchet leaned heavily on one of the medical berths, damage covering him almost completely. He was only just able to hold himself up and sorrowful optics fixed on the weapons specialist as he came through the damaged door.

"What the Pit happened?"

"Prowl."

Ironhide felt his cannons charge and instantly lose that charge as his rage rose and then vanished with the realization of exactly what was happening. Prowl had finally let loose, unfortunately Ratchet had been his target.

"Are you going to be okay?"

"Just go get Prowl before it's too late."

_Here's a lullaby to close your eyes._

_[Goodbye]_

_It was always you that I despised._

_I don't feel enough for you to cry, _

_[oh no]_

_Here's a lullaby to close your eyes,_

_[Goodbye],_

"How could you?" Prowl stood over the long deactivated shell. His anger was spent now and all that was left was...loss? Remorse? Emptiness? He wasn't sure but it was horrible and he wanted it gone. "Slag it Jazz, how am I supposed to keep going now? You were all I had. You were the only one who cared...I'm sorry I never listened. I know you only meant to help. That's all you ever did. Helped anyone and everyone. Why?"

The empty sparkchamber glared at him like an endless, hopeless void that beckoned to devour him too. There was only one thing to do...he had to satisfy the void...

_Here's a lullaby to close your eyes._

_[Goodbye]_

_It was always you that I despised._

_I don't feel enough for you to cry, _

_[oh no]_

_Here's a lullaby to close your eyes,_

_[Goodbye],[Goodbye],[Goodbye],[Goodbye]. _

Ironhide had come too late. He could only look on at the sight of Prowl collapsed over Jazz's deactivated shell, his own sparkchamber lay open...and empty

* * *

AN: Again I say NOT A DEATH FIC!!!! Okay, I know, empty sparkchapmer says death...I KNOW -_- LOL, you are all just going to have to trust me on this one. (P.S. I'm not being pissy toward anyone who feels this is in fact a death fic, I just don't want a whole bunch of angry comments...cause I intend to fix it at some point.)


	8. Chapter 8 Until the End Sideswipe

Well, had no intentions of working on this story anytime soon...guess it had other plans!!!

Breaking Benjamin - Until the End (somehow this one just SCREAMED for Sideswipe...)

* * *

Earth. It had been a glimmer of hope in an endless see of insecurity and desperation. Optimus had called out for them, for everyone to come to join him on his planet. It had been where he was finally going to be reunited...or so he had thought.

Sideswipe had arrived hopeful. He had even remained somewhat upbeat for the first Earth year on this organic world hoping that eventually Sunstreaker would find his way. So much for hope. He could feel the emptiness in his spark...not that Sunstreaker was _gone_, just that he wasn't _there_.

"Fragger's always gotta find his own way."

_So clever, whatever, I'm done with these endeavors_

_Alone I'll walk the winding way (here I stay)_

_It's over, no longer, I feel it growing stronger_

_I live to die another day, until I fade away_

He had done what they had always done. He fought. He delved himself into the little skirmishes with the Decepticons and tried to ignore the growing despair.

Bumblebee of all mechs had made himself available to Sideswipe, apparently Jazz's recent deactivation had caused the youngling a large amount of distress. Sideswipe only felt a little guilty that the young mechs own discomfort provided him with a measure of release. If he had to be miserable at least he wasn't miserable alone.

_Why give up? Why give in?_

_It's not enough, it never is_

_So I will go on until the end_

_We've become, desolate_

_It's not enough, it never is_

_But I will go on until the end_

Repeat? Bumblebee's groggy voice had come over the link...but it wasn't through the link that he had with the young mech. 'What in the universe?' Sideswipe searched his systems...it had been Jazz's old link.

Hey, Bee? Did you call me?

There was a short pause before he received an answer, No, why?

I, uh...it's gonna sound weird but I swore I heard you say 'repeat'...but it was on Jazz's old link... The other mech didn't respond. 'Great, now he thinks I have a corrupted processor... I'm gonna check in with the Hatchet, I must've screwed something up on our last mission. Catch ya later. He tried to sound reassuring. The last thing he wanted right now was for the young bot to worry about his processor's stability.

Later. Came the stunned answer.

'Slag.' Sideswipe crawled off his recharge berth to seek out the Autobot medic.

_Surround me, it's easy, to fall apart completely_

_I feel you creeping up again (In my head)_

_It's over, no longer, I feel it growing colder_

_I knew this day would come to end, so let this life begin_

The events over the next several days went by in an indecipherable haze...the Allspark shard had been stolen, 'there was a shard?', Optimus had deactivated, 'how in the Pit could that happen?', been brought back to life, 'wonders never cease!' and more Autobots had arrived.

Still Sunstreaker did not come.

Prowl, of all the bots in the verse to show up, why Prowl? Sideswipe had geared himself up for the accusations he knew he was going to have to endure from the overly strict mech...but they never came. Prowl had simply demanded battle reports and a synopsis of his time on Earth then vanished. 'Good riddance.' Sideswipe had thought he was relieved by the lack of the tacticians normal oppression...but something was just _wrong _about it. Prowl had always been a strong mech, somewhat of a standing stone for all the younger mechs. 'If Prowl can survive, then we can too.' Had been the silent agreement between Sideswipe and his brother. But...maybe Prowl couldn't survive...what did that say for their chances?

_Why give up? Why give in?_

_It's not enough, it never is_

_So I will go on until the end_

_We've become, desolate_

_It's not enough, it never is_

_But I will go on until the end_

A sharp pang through his spark reminded him painfully that his twin was missing. This one, however seemed worse then before. More of a burning, cutting sensation. 'Primus...what the Pit Sunny?' Was his twin in danger? In need of him? Deactivating?

He stumbled down the halls of the base, he needed Ratchet! This was just too much pain and it was overloading his systems!

Upon reaching the med bay he found it seemingly destroyed...the doors had been blasted open and the inside didn't fare much better.

"Hatchet?" He called out reluctantly. There was movement on the floor, Ratchet he realized. The mech looked like fresh slag collapsed on the floor like that. He rushed to the CMO, or at least he tried to rush stumbling over his own feet as he went. Even the sudden need for clarity could not override the pain rushing through his systems.

_I've lost my way_

_I've lost my way_

_But I will go on until the end_

"Prowl..." The medic pleaded.

What was he..? 'Oh.' Suddenly the disarray made sense. All the bots on base had been concerned for Prowl, something about not taking Jazz's death so well. Had any of them, really? Jazz just had that effect on others. If Prowl had done this then it was clear that the tactician had lost it. He would never attack their CMO, especially not in his own med bay.

He rushed to where he assumed the obviously unstable mech would have gone; the room Jazz's body had been placed in until a proper parting ceremony could be planned. What he found nearly caused his own logic circuits to overload and send him offline.

Ironhide was standing at the doorway. Just standing there completely motionless and staring at the scene within. Prowl's body was collapsed over Jazz's empty shell, holding him and his sparkchamber was empty.

_living is, hard enough, without you fucking up..._

"You stupid fragger!" Sideswipe raged past Ironhide, shoving the seemingly immobile mech as he past. "What the Pit do you think you're doing? You can't deactivate! You _can't_!" If Prowl was gone then that meant that Sunstreaker could be gone too...

_Why give up? Why give in?_

_It's not enough, it never is_

_But I will go on until the end_

He shook the unresponsive mech's frame. "I can't believe that you would be so stupid!" Sideswipe wasn't sure who he was yelling at; Prowl? Sunstreaker? Himself? "Do you think this is what he _wanted_?" He thought maybe there had been a slight flicker in the darkened optics, "What about the rest of us you selfish glitch? What about those of us who were depending on _you_? Are you just going to abandon us?" This time there was definitely a shimmer of light from the emptied spark chamber.

_I've lost my way_

_I've lost my way_

_But I will go on until the end_

Sideswipe had no idea what he was doing, only that _somebody _had to do _something_! He dragged the limp mech back into the med bay proper and unceremoniously deposited him onto one of the medical berths.

Turning to the collapsed CMO his processor seemed to click into cool operations, he didn't know how to do what had to be done but Ratchet did. So he hauled the medical officer up by the front of his frame and hauled him over to the same berth, setting him down beside the occupied surface. "Don't deactivate me for this." He stated clearly before he jammed a download spike into Ratchet's barely online form.

The information nearly overwhelmed him at first but Sideswipe was determined. He had to save Prowl because saving Prowl meant that Sunstreaker was still active and would come find him. To Pit if the logic was flawed, that's how he saw it and he _needed_ that hope!

Working before he even realized that the medical program was running through his own processor Sideswipe set to his task. Somewhere in the back of his processor he heard Ironhide's voice...what was he saying? Overload what? It didn't matter...

_The final fight I win_

_The final fight I win_

_The final fight I win_

Blinding light was the last thing he remembered. A blissful, burning, life giving light and an echo through his link to his brother. Sunstreaker was alive...he had to be.

_But I will go on until the end_

* * *

Hmmm, is Sideswipe a hero? Never saw this fic coming, I swear. It slammed it's self right into my head and strait out my fingers...so I'm just as surprised as the rest of you! LOL.


	9. Chapter 9 Sky Fell Over Me Matrix

**Oooookay, don't hate me. Please?**

**So I'm taking a short break to catch up on some fic writing but thought I at least should update this one more time before I vanish for a few days! ^_^***

**Song is: Shiny Toy Guns - Sky Fell Over Me *Happiest damn sad song I've heard in a long time, you should listen to it* ~BTW, I really like Shiny Toy Guns, expect to see more of them through this fic.**

**Hope you like it! Enjoi!!!**

~~PS: if you have a song you'd like me to fic, send it to me. I _love_ songficing. All challenges welcome (though I don't promise I can fic everything...I'm not a superficer or anything ^_~)~~

* * *

_Hey down there  
Don't worry, for me.  
Cuz I'm okay.  
You cared._

"What _is_ this?" His voice echoed as though in a vast cavern, yet all he could see was endlessness. Beautiful, pleasing, peaceful endlessness.

_This is the one._ An amused voice answered back, though it did not sound the same. It sounded like it belonged.

"The what?" Another voice, like his, that echoed through the empty paradise.

_The one. The whole. The all._ Still the voice was amused. Almost like there was a joke that the two did not get.

Suddenly there was surface. A ground to stand on and the two found themselves standing beside each other. Prowl looked over and saw Sideswipe standing next to him. Sideswipe looked at Prowl and thought that he needed to punch him but couldn't remember why.

"Who are you?" Sideswipe demanded of the third voice who had yet to make a physical appearance.

_You've forgotten already? Such short memory chips..._ The voice lamented dramatically before a light began to glow faintly and then it was gone and another form stood in its place.

"Jazz..." Prowl whispered.

"Yep." This time his voice was not so different then theirs, though it still did not echo. "What are you two doin' here?"

"What the..." Sideswipe took a step forward, intending to do...something...but found he lacked the desire only an instant after he had begun. "You're deactivated." He stated bluntly.

"Really? I wasn't aware." Jazz laughed and came to embrace his two friends firmly, "Pit, it's good to see you...but you're not supposed to be here."

"Where _is_ here?" Sideswipe looked around and found that he now stood on Cybertron, though it was nothing like what he knew the planet to look like... "How?"

"It's my own personal bit of peace." Jazz explained even as the scenery shifted yet again to something Sideswipe knew, Earth. "I can be everywhere I ever wanted to be..." There was a hint of sorrow in his voice.

_No more tears,  
Cuz I'm far from lonely.  
I'm far away.  
You cared_

Sideswipe looked over the scenes as they continued to shift. Each new place was more magnificent then anything he had ever seen, more beautiful then anything he had ever known...but there was something missing. "Where is...everyone?"

"Like I said, my own personal peace."

"You're alone?"

"Hardly!" Jazz's laughter rolled easily through both mechs as they looked at their missing comrade, "There's tons of sparks I know around here. We're all together now."

"But..."

"You can't see them because they are a part of me, as I am a part of them. If you were supposed to be here you'd know that." Jazz smiled. "I came to send you both back where you belong."

"Like Pit!" Prowl finally found his voice. "I'm not going anywhere without you." The statement didn't come out half as desperate as he felt and for that he was thankful. "How could you leave me Jazz?"

The accused mech's demeanor fell noticeably, "Prowl, man, you know I wouldn't've if I'd had a choice."

"That's no excuse! If you must remain here, then I will stay as well."

_That's_ why he felt like punching him! Sideswipe hauled back and let his fist slam into the mech's face. "You selfish spark of a half processed glitch!" Rage that had been mysteriously abated came flooding out with a vengeance. "What the Pit are you thinking!" He roared, feeling the anger, the desperate need for everything to be normal, pulsed through his circuits.

"What does it matter to you what I think?" Prowl snarled as he recovered from the unexpected assault, though he could not find the anger within him to retaliate.

"Prowl," Jazz spoke softly, comfortingly, "You still just don't get it, do you?"

_Please don't think the world  
Has taken the best  
Of you or me.  
I know the love that's in your eyes  
Was there when the sky  
Fell over me._

Everyone was gathered around the mechs laying motionless on three separate berths. Sideswipe glared, seeing the damage his frame had taken when he had force downloaded Ratchet's medical programming. "Slag, that's gonna take forever to fix..."

More laughter from Jazz had the other two refocusing. They were overlooking the med bay on Earth where all the mechs that had gathered this far were crowding. They were disturbingly silent.

"What's going on?" Prowl demanded. "What are they doing?" He saw his own frame laid out next to Sideswipe's. 'Is that what everyone saw?' He wondered of the haggard looking state he was in. 'Is that really what I looked like?'

"They're mourning." Jazz spoke softly, "See, what happened is..." The scene before them sped backwards to the point where Prowl collapsed on Jazz's empty shell. Prowl watched in absolute horror as the events unfolded, from Ironhide's disbelieving frozenness to Sideswipe's angered rescue.

Sideswipe watched in mild amusement as he saw himself somehow haul the larger mech from his apparent final resting place into the med bay. He cringed violently as he watched himself place the download spike and saw how the medical officer's programming trashed his own systems...but he was able to do what he had to do before he deactivated himself.

"Sideswipe...what did you do that for?" Prowl turned accusing optics on the twin who likewise turned a vicious glare on him.

"Prowl," Jazz interrupted, "You're such an aft." It was an affectionate statement.

"What?" This had the angered mech turning on his lost friend.

"You are so thick in the processor you can't even see the truth. You think you're alone, that no one cares? You're so wrong. Aft." Jazz pointed to the glaring mech beside him, "He sacrificed himself trying to save your aft and you're mad?"

"It makes no sense!" Prowl turned back on the other mech, "You should not have tried, it was not logical! Now you are deactivated too. How is that practical?"

"Frag you." Was the all too calm statement from the twin.

_Leave me here,  
Now I'm with the angels  
And don't you say;  
"It's not fair"_

Sideswipe turned away from the scene that had once again come to show all their comrades standing motionless, silent and grieving over their empty shells. He ached just to see it. This was not his intention.

Prowl looked at the scene without understanding. "It does not make sense."

"Yes it does Prowl. You're just not seeing everything there is to see. You're so stuck on being separate, on not belonging that you can't see that they care about _you_." Jazz lightly punched Prowl's arm, his own optics following the unhappy twin as he walked away from them. He knew what the mech was thinking, what he was worried about. "See, the twins, as much as they pissed you off really kinda respected you. He tried to save you to save _them_."

"That is not logical. How can saving me save them?"

"They need you as a shining example of how they're gonna make it through this Pit of a life they were created into...but you couldn't see that." Jazz turned to look at Prowl, "I told you once before you can't just shut out what's goin' on around you. It don't matter if you lock yourself away or you drown yourself in work...the others will find you anyway. They did." He pointed back to the scene before them, "Look...Optimus respected you as a strong tactician _and_ a friend. He doesn't morn for the loss of his officer he mourns for the loss of _another_ friend. Look at Ironhide. He didn't even _like_ your strategies so why would he mourn the loss of what he didn't like? It's cause you _meant_ something to him." The scene shifted once again to a place Prowl had never seen but the mech there was very familiar to him, "Bumblebee...Primus that poor kid's lost so much..." The little yellow bot sat in a small enclosure in his bipedal form, curled on himself with his head tucked between his knees and his hands covering his head.

"Is he..."

"Crying? Yep." The scene vanished and Jazz stood facing Prowl once more, "You have to go back to them Prowl. They need you, want you to be with them. Don't leave them like this."

"You have to come back with me." It was a plea more then a demand and Prowl almost wished he hadn't said it at all.

"No, Prowl...I can't. I was deactivated when my body was torn apart, there's nothing for me to go back to." He held up his arms as the whole 'world' shifted yet again, this time into some hybrid of everything they had already seen. It was Cybertron with plants and blue skies with fluffy clouds. It had exotic buildings and statues, foreign structures that could have any purpose or none at all. It was the most wonderful thing Prowl had ever seen. "I have everything I need here anyway."

_Please don't think the world  
Has taken the best  
Of you or me.  
I know the love that's in your eyes _

_Was there when the sky  
Fell over me._

Prowl looked at Sideswipe, he had walked quite some distance from them but he could still easily see everything the mech did. He was hunched over, holding his chest in a way that made Prowl think he was in great pain. "What's his problem." His anger was completely deflated but that didn't mean he had to be happy.

"He's...um..." Jazz became tense, "Slag it, Sunstreaker!" Jazz grabbed Prowl's hand and ran toward the lone mech.

Sunstreaker? What did the twin have to do with it? If Sideswipe was here then he shouldn't feel any pain... "Sunstreaker?"

"You gotta go back, now!" Jazz threw Prowl at Sideswipe, sending both mechs tumbling. "Guys, it's been great seeing you an' all..."

Prowl reached out, dreading that he would suddenly be separated from his friend once more even as he felt a tugging on his spark. 'How is it I can feel my spark if I'm deactivated?' He wondered for a half a nanoklik. "Jazz!"

"Prowl, we'll see each other again. When all are one, man, when all are one." Jazz waved at the two as they seemed to drift back into some strange disembodied state.

"NO!" Prowl reached out desperately through his spark, if he could feel it then he could use his link. Even as everything faded into darkness he thought he felt _something_ reach back.

_I can't help but say  
That I love you._

_That I love you  
I'm not around, but . . . _

Every circuit burned. "Slag it..." Sideswipe groaned as his systems rebooted.

"Sideswipe!" Everyone shouted all at once, several different things from questions to demands. He couldn't catch the half of it.

"Prowl?" He questioned loudly, causing everyone to fall silent. They didn't know how to tell the young mech that his attempt at self sacrifice had failed...

"I'm here." Came the pained reply. This caused further uproar as everyone rushed between the two previously deactivated mechs with disbelief.

"Hey!" Sideswipe shouted again, demanding _some_ attention to his own question, "Is Hatchet alright?"

"He's in recharge." Optimus answered after everyone finally quieted, "What happened?"

"Ask Hide, he was here." Primus how he hurt! "I'm gonna offline now..." Before anyone could say anything more the aching mech fell into deep recharge.

"Prowl?" Optimus asked.

"I am functional, though I must agree with Sideswipe. I need to offline for a few cycles as well." He shuttered his optics and slowed his systems to near recharge state but did not allow himself to descend into the much needed rest. Jazz? He questioned through the link he had so desperately reached out through. There was no response. Please, Jazz...

_Please don't think the world  
Has taken the best  
Of you or me.  
I know the love that's in your eyes  
Was there when the sky  
Fell over me._

_Yeah when the sun came over me_


	10. Chapter 10 Leave Out All the Rest Sunny

Linkin Park - Leave Out All the Rest

Okay, this one did NOT come out the way I wanted it to AT ALL. I'm sorry for the 'weirdness' of it. I was fighting with perspectives and I think it shows in a painfully obvious way throughout this ficlit. Please forgive me!

Also...if characters seem OOC, I'm sorry for that too. I was trying to work within the situation I already had set up in my mind...-_-*

* * *

Another planet. Another search. Another negative turnout. He turned to consider the formations on this planet. There was nothing here. Nothing at all and it was hideous. There was nothing here to be beautiful or even entertaining. He hated it. All of it. Of course lately he hated everything.

It had been so long ago he wasn't even sure how long it really was. He had been separated from the one bot he cared about. They were actually sent on different missions. Who's bright idea was that?

Something had gone really wrong and during what should have been a simple shipment mission there had been a fight. It had left him alone.

Whether or not the others had survived, he wasn't sure. He had been taken by the enemy but that hadn't lasted long. They underestimated him and he had easily escaped. The problem was that he wasn't sure where he was or how to get back to where he needed to be.

_I dreamed I was missing_

_You were so scared_

_But no one would listen_

_'Cause on one else cared_

Sitting on the barren surface he decided this was as good a place as any to rest. He hadn't been recharging properly and it was taking its toll on him. Truthfully he didn't want anyone to see him this way, he looked horrible.

Gears clicking angrily he settled for staring at the red sky above him. This world was definitely ugly...just like he was. Maybe he should just stay. All the searching wasn't doing anything but wearing down his systems and leaving him more weary and broken then before.

His systems demanded recharge. He was so tired. A few joors of rest would be good...

_After my dreaming_

_I woke with this fear_

_What am I leaving_

_When I'm done here?_

Pain. He knew endless, relentless pain. It centered in his spark and radiated out, wracking his whole body with the shuttering, searing ache that brought with it one and only one thing. Death.

Onlining with the desperate hope that the pain was nothing more then a dream he cried out. It was real. His spark was screaming with the pain of loss and he knew that it meant that the one bot he cared about, the only reason he kept moving on, was gone.

He screamed to the barren world all of his hurt and grief. It couldn't end this way! Not with them apart. They swore that if they were going to go out, they'd go out together!

Systems roaring with agony he left behind that barren world.

_So if you're asking me_

_I want you to know_

If he had to he would give his spark to bring back that one bot. He would give anything because without him he had no reason to go on. The war had taken everything from them except for each other...and now...

_When my time comes_

_Forget the wrong that I've done_

_Help me leave behind some_

_Reasons to be missed_

Shut it down, block it out. He had to stop the pain long enough to get to...where was he going? The pain would not go away! Make it stop! Shut down receptors, block pathways. Yes, that was working, the pain was fading. Continue. No input from spark chamber, block all incoming information feeds. Numb. He could handle numb.

Now, where was he headed? Plotting trajectory...no cancel. It didn't matter where he was headed. He would end up on some other planet looking for something he wouldn't find. Why did it matter if he knew where he was going or not? Shut down navigations.

Transmitting status report...who was going to get that? No need for it either. Shut down transmission and beacon. Who was going to find him out here anyway?

Incoming transmission. Probably just another false feed. His weary systems sometimes mistook energy waves from nearby stars as transmissions. Block. He didn't want to be disappointed again.

This was better. Even the ache from his weary systems had numbed. Much better.

_And don't resent me_

_And when you're feeling empty_

_Keep me in your memory_

_Leave out all the rest, leave out all the rest_

Incoming transmission. Block.

Another void planet. Just as he had expected. Only this time the complete hopelessness that joined with finding the nothingness time and time again wasn't there. He should have thought of shutting down his emotional core sooner. Maybe he'd just delete it all together...maybe. Battles wouldn't be as much fun if he had no emotions though. Not that that really mattered. There was no such thing as fun anymore. Not if he was gone...block emotional override.

The fluctuations that ran through his systems were an inconvenience but he could learn to work with them. Just as long as he never had to _feel_ them anymore.

_Don't be afraid_

_I've taken my beating_

_I've shed but I'm me_

Incoming transmission. Block.

There were only a few planets in this system. He was sure he could have most of them searched and filed away as desolate pretty quickly. Then he would move on. Categorizing. That was an efficient way to use his time. He had already spent so much time doing anyway...why had he been searching planets again? To find...block emotional override.

His systems shuttered with the surging fluctuation. Warnings flashing that there were multiple errors and core malfunctions. Delete. It wasn't important.

_I'm strong on the surface_

_Not all the way through_

_I've never been perfect_

_But neither have you_

Incoming transmission. Accept. Why had he been blocking transmissions?

Optimus Prime has sent rendezvous location. Set destination. Locked.

Warning! Systems malfunction. Navigations shut down. What did it matter? Continue current course.

_So if you're asking me_

_I want you to know_

Several planets later, all categorized and filed away as barren or as uninhabited he found himself approaching yet another planet. Initial scans showed signs of life. File planet under inhabited. Prime directive; do not engage with life forms. Avoid contact. Logic states that he should simply avoid this planet all together and move on. However if he did he would have an incomplete log of this particular solar system. Hmm...

_When my time comes_

_Forget the wrong that I've done_

_Help me leave behind some_

_Reasons to be missed_

System warning; core malfunction. Stasis lock imminent.

Well, if that was the way it was going to be it was far more practical to be shut down on a solid surface rather then drifting through space where he might come in contact with debris or caught in a gravitational pull of some mass that could destroy him.

Heading for the small blue and green planet he received notification of a ping on his systems. There was a beacon on the planet. Interesting.

_Don't resent me_

_And when you're feeling empty_

_Keep me in your memory_

_Leave out all the rest, leave out all the rest_

"State your designation and faction." The transmission was...unexpected, however it made sense that whatever life forms resided on this planet would make contact.

"I'm..." What was his designation? System warning; core malfunction. Stasis lock imminent.

"Repeat? Designation and faction."

"I'm..." Who? Who was he? Searching memory banks...warning, emotional block. Core malfunction. Receptors blocked. Pathways cannot be established. Stasis lock imminent.

"Sunny?" With that voice white hot fire tore through his systems. His emotional core overloading and instantly frying its self and several nearby processes at the same time. There were warnings concerning his spark and his vital systems, however he could not register any of the information, not only did it fly by so fast that he had hardly a moment to consider it before a new warning replaced the other but his processor was frozen.

_Forgetting all the hurt inside_

_You've learned to hide so well_

_Pretending someone else can come_

_And save me from myself_

_I can't be who you are_

Sideswipe had felt the familiar tug of his twin in his spark. Sunstreaker was close! Not just close but coming closer.

Running from the med bay, despite Ratchet's loud protest, Sideswipe barreled down the hallway headed for the communication center. If Sunstreaker was coming they would be contacting him and he had to be there. He had to hear for himself that his twin was not only there but alright.

"Repeat? Designation and faction." Blaster was running the center this night and he didn't seem all that thrilled about it. However he was confused by the readings he was getting. There was no faction beacon, not that that meant a whole lot, Decepticons often disabled their beacons to allow stealthy entrances...or just to not get themselves blown up before they could make planetfall. But this mech was attempting at least to establish contact.

"I'm..." The voice was monotone...void, but still familiar to Sideswipe. He waited half a beat to see if his twin would respond as required. When he didn't fear crept into him. Something was wrong with his brother! He reached out over their link hoping to hear his brother's reassurance saying he was simply worn out or maybe even damaged but not badly...nothing. No response at all.

"Sunny?" He called out fearfully, his own spark twisting in pain. Primus! It hurt so bad! Worse then onlining after apparently having been deactivated for a few hours...what was wrong with his brother? Then fiery, white hot pain stabbed through his spark and swept through his systems.

_When my time comes_

_Forget the wrong that I've done_

_Help me leave behind some_

_Reasons to be missed_

There was no arguing. Sideswipe left the base and the rendezvous team in his dust. His twin was suffering and he had to get to him fast, it didn't matter if his own systems were in dire chaos right now. All that mattered was that something was wrong with Sunstreaker and he had to get to him now.

Arriving at the landing beacon he found his twin, laying prone and unmoving. "Sunny?" He spoke even as he sought his brother's spark through their connection.

"S-Side-s..." There was the distinct sound of systems hitting their max and then popping sounds as they failed.

"Sunny!"

_Don't resent me_

_And when you're feeling empty_

_Keep me in your memory_

_Leave out all the rest, leave out all the rest_

Ratchet hated his programming. Hated it right down to it's very core right at that moment.

The two mechs were brought to him, one in stasis lock, the other off the wall with confusion and fear. He had had to send Sideswipe to another room so he could work...but that had proven a rather large error on his part.

Sunstreaker's spark was in turmoil and every time his systems tried to reboot they would overload with the stress of his spark and fail again. Each time the bot failed to online pain wracked screams would come from the other twin.

Sideswipe was now far too distressed to try and bring him closer to his twin which was the only thing that Ratchet could think of to do to ease the other's spark...so now what? If he brought Sideswipe near Sunstreaker after so much trauma to his own spark then he very possibly could fall into stasis himself but if he did not then Sunstreaker's spark would continue to overload his systems... "There is no other option."

"Ratchet?" Sideswipe looked at the medic hopefully, though it was clear to him that things were not 'okay'.

"I'm going to have to put you into stasis."

_Forgetting all the hurt inside_

_You've learned to hide so well_

_Pretending someone else can come_

_And save me from myself_

_I can't be who you are_

_I can't be who you are._

_

* * *

_So here's the deal with stasis lock, at least in this series of fics: It's essentially a coma. A very bad coma that one may or may not be revived from. B.A.D. That's all it comes down to.

And for anyone reading all these and thinking that I'm a very dark and emo author...your so very right. I am. I hurt my characters a lot and don't always give them the comfort and peace they deserve. Why? Because that is life. Life gives you trials to strive through and you either succeed or fail and you don't always get the pretty bouquet of roses when you finish. I really and truly hope that this doesn't bother those of you who have been reading and enjoying this fic because I don't mean to be rude at all. (and no, nobody said anything to offend me or make me feel that this explanation was entirely necessary.) I simply thought that I would warn you all because this fic...doesn't promise to end in cheery sunshine with rose petals falling from the sky...okay?

Thank you all for reading and I hope I didn't just turn you away. -_-* So sorry!


End file.
